


Reunited

by ImOutOfMyVulcanMind (LoopyLu94)



Series: Tarsus IV [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Nightmares, descriptions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:18:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10524951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLu94/pseuds/ImOutOfMyVulcanMind
Summary: Years after the events of Tarsus IV, Jim and Reader finally reunite, but will it be a happy occasion?





	

_“The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV.”_

_The giant screen showing the face of the Governor went black, leaving a stunned silence rattle throughout the crowd standing in a large room in one of your colony’s Government buildings. There was a stillness for what felt like an eternity. Then movement. You couldn’t see what was happening, the bodies surrounding you too tall and dense to see over or through. But the crowd began to move frantically, and you clutched at your father’s hand tightly. You didn’t know what was going on, but you were terrified. Your father began to move, quickly, dragging you along with him. Then the first gunshot went off. Your own scream muffled the others around you to your ears. More gunshots. Through a gap in the crowd you could see the Governor’s guards, forcing people into another room._

_A man, someone you didn’t know ran straight into you, and didn’t even look down as you tumbled to the ground, leaving go of your father’s hand in the process. You scrambled to your feet as quickly as you could, knowing you’d be crushed, or shot, or worse if you didn’t. You looked for your father, but you couldn’t see him. You called for him, but your voice couldn’t be heard above the chaos. The crowd was moving so erratically, you had no idea where the exit was. You were jostled by the panicked colonists. No one cared that you were in their way._

_A harsh hand grabbed your shoulder, and you looked up to see a guard looming over you. “Move.” The order came sharply, and his weapon was aimed at you. You didn’t have a choice. You had to move. You were pulled to the edge of the crowd, and you saw the door the other citizens were being shoved through. Terror took over you, and you screamed again, tried to claw away, but the grip on you was too strong._

_Then it was gone. You heard the guard fall to floor, releasing you as he did so. A young hand grabbed his weapon, while another hand grabbed one of yours. “We have to leave now, Y/N.” You finally looked at your rescuer, and met the scared yet determined bright blue eyes of Jim Kirk._

You awoke from your dream covered in a cold sweat, and stared up at the ceiling of your Academy dorm room, your heart hammering in your chest so hard it almost hurt. Tears pricked at your eyes, and you knew better than to try and stop them by now. The reason you were given one of the rare single occupancy dorm rooms was because of your dreams. It meant you didn’t have to worry about disturbing a roommate, and allowed you privacy to deal with your emotions after one.

And you still had plenty. Even after all these years, you were still plagued by nightmares of…of _that place._ Of Tarsus IV. You doubted you’d ever be rid of them. You knew for certain that Kodos’ words would never leave your memory. That you’d be haunted by them for the rest of your life.

You pushed yourself upright in your bed, and glanced at the chrono. 03.00. You sighed, knowing that you’d get no more sleep that night despite the hour. You laughed bitterly. Trust Kodos to find a way to torment you from beyond the grave. Years later, and he was still able hurt to you. To remind you that even on the biggest day of your life so far, on the day you graduated Starfleet Academy, and took the first step in the rest of your life, you’d still be thinking of him. You’d be exhausted, and he’d be to blame.

You stood, and after splashing your face with some freezing water, you pulled on your track kit. If you were going to be tired anyway, you might as well make your muscles feel it too by doing some exercise. Running always helped after a nightmare, and the track and gym was always open to cadets.

The gym was exactly where you headed to, ignoring the light drizzle that was falling on your way over. You warmed yourself up first, then headed back out onto the track. Starting slowly, you gradually quickened your pace until you were sprinting around the track, feeling your anger and frustration drain out of you each time a foot pounded against the polyurethane track.

You’d always been a fast runner, even before… And you were even faster now, after all your training to become a security officer. It had been a natural choice for you to join security. You had been determined to never feel, or be, so helpless ever again, and you wanted to be able to defend the helpless in return. You were at the top of all your combat classes. The best in your year at close and ranged combat. And you were proud of that. Proud that if ever put into a situation like that again, you’d be able to fight your own way out. That you wouldn’t have to rely on someone else for aid.

_Jim’s grip on your hand was like a vice, pulling you along with him as he skirted the edge of the room to try and find the exit. Gunshots were ringing more often now, as those who put up too much of a fight were killed instantly. The smell of blood reached your nose. “There. Stay close, Y/N. We’re almost out.” You looked and saw the door leading out of the room. You’d remained unnoticed again so far, the guards focused on the shrinking crowd rather than two kids._

_The door grew closer. You were nearly there when you tripped over something. You would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Jim. Still, you turned to see what you’d stumbled over, and an involuntary cry was torn from you as you looked down at the lifeless eyes of your father. Blood oozed from his chest, drowning the white shirt he was wearing. Jim had paused too, but then he was pulling at you again. “We have to keep moving.”_

_You let Jim drag you along again, forcing your attention back to the door. There was a guard standing in front of it, stopping people from getting out. Jim stopped again, and motioned for you to crouch down with him. “As soon as I shoot him, run for the door as quickly as you can, okay?” You nodded, and watched as Jim aimed the stolen weapon. You didn’t know where Jim was going to shoot. The guards armour looked impenetrable to you, but Jim must have noticed a weak spot. A shot fired from his weapon. The weakness was at the neck. The guard crumpled to the ground before you even saw the blood._

_Jim was up on his feet, and you were with him, the two of you sprinting to the door. You had to get out before the now unguarded door was noticed. Jim reached the door first, and started to unlock it. There were shouts from behind you, and a bullet embedded itself in the wall next to you, quickly followed by another. With a shove, the door opened, and Jim pulled you out. You felt a sudden pain in your arm, and looked down to see dark red seeping from a wound there._

_There was no time to stop though. You and Jim ran as fast as you could, running in a zig zag as gunshots chased after you. They gradually became less and fainter, and Jim glanced over his shoulder. Chasing after two kids wasn’t their first priority it seemed. Jim kept the two of you moving though. Past your empty houses, and over the dead fields, and into the forest that grew beyond them._

Eventually, your legs began to ache and your lungs burned, so you slowed to a stop on the track. You felt even more exhausted than before, but at least some of the tension had been drained out of you. You went through your cooldown routine, then went back to your room. The sun was rising, and the first stirrings of life appeared around the campus. A glance at your chrono told you, you had just over three hours before you were needed at the ceremony hall. It was still too long for your liking, but it was better than twiddling your thumbs for the six that would have happened if you’d stayed indoors.

You were damp from the drizzle, so took your time in the shower. The hot water washed away the coldness that had started to seep into you, and you took longer than was probably necessary. Even being so tired didn’t remove the growing excitement. You were going to graduate. And after the summer break, you’d be assigned to your first posting on a Starship. If you had it your way, you’d go straight to the posting. It wasn’t like you had anything to do over the summer, but those were the rules apparently.

When you finally had enough of the water, you stepped out of the shower again, and got to work styling your hair and pulling on your cadet reds. You weren’t hungry, so you skipped breakfast, choosing to go for coffee instead. By the time you were done, it was close to the start of your graduation, so you made your way to the hall. The drizzle had stopped now, and the morning sky was clear, and you tried to use the positive mood to push all thoughts of your dream out of your head. You were going to enjoy this. You were going to make sure of it.

You were one of the first to arrive, and you quietly slipped into one of the seats designated for the security graduates. You watched as the hall filled, cadets from all the tracks arriving and taking their seats. Once everyone had arrived, an Admiral walked onto the stage, and you all quickly stood to attention. The Admiral smiled, and told you to take your seats again.

He began his speech, which was probably far longer than it needed to be, and far more boring, but not one cadet made a sound. You’d come too far to get into trouble now. After an eternity, the Admiral’s speech came to a close. “As is tradition, each year we invite one of our past cadets to come and say a few words, and this year is no exception. I expect you have all heard of him, I know his is a popular name around campus. Cadets, graduates, I’d like to introduce you to Captain James Tiberius Kirk.”

Excited applause rang around the room, as the Captain walked onto the stage, a bright happy smile on his face as he looked out at his audience, but you were still. It felt like someone had just dealt you a blow to your solar plexus. You couldn’t breathe, your chest tightening as you stared at the blue-eyed man in front of you.

Jim started to speak, but you weren’t listening. The room narrowed down until you saw nothing but him. You hadn’t seen Jim since Tarsus IV. Hell, you didn’t even know he was alive. You had heard the name ‘Captain Kirk’ around campus, even the name ‘James Kirk’, and there were a couple of occasions when your combat instructor told you, you reminded him of Kirk, but you’d never even thought that they could be talking about Jim. He’d always sworn that he’d never in a million years join Starfleet, so why would you think that this great new Captain was the boy you’d spent so much time with?

The two of you had known each other before everything went to shit on Tarsus IV. You’d been friends even. Good friends, despite you being a couple of years younger than his thirteen-year-old self. You knew he was there because he got into too much trouble on Earth, but he’d never been too much of a delinquent on the colony. The two of you used to regularly bend the rules, sure, but you never broke them completely.

“I’m aware some of you have been invited to Admiral Jacobs party tonight, and I look forward to speaking with you personally there. Try not to have too much fun over the summer, all of you, don’t want to wear yourselves out before the real fun starts. Thank you, and good luck.” Jim’s finishing words were greeted with another round of applause, but again you were still. Jim stepped away from the podium, and took a seat behind the Admiral conducting the ceremony.

You knew you were being told that you had all now successfully graduated, but you couldn’t focus. Your eyes were still trained directly on Jim. Now the attention of the room wasn’t solely on him, Jim must have felt you staring, because while he was still smiling, you saw his eyes sweep the room with an intense look in them. You held your breath, unable to look away, and blue eyes met your own. You saw the flicker of recognition in Jim’s eyes, and his smile faltered.

Around you cadets rose, so you rose with them. It was over, and everyone was leaving. You broke your eye contact with Jim, and turned quickly on your heel so you could make a bee-line for the exit and flee to your room. You didn’t hear Jim call your name, and you didn’t see him try and follow you.

_“We should be safe here for now.” Jim sounded as breathless as you did by the time he allowed you both to stop in the maze of trees. You didn’t respond, collapsing to the ground instead. Your legs ached from running, your arm hurt, and tears streamed down your cheeks. Jim knelt in front of you, and brushed a few strands of hair out of your face. “It’s okay, Y/N. It’ll be okay. I’ll look after you.” You nodded with a sniff, brushing your hand across your face roughly. Now wasn’t the time to be the baby some of the other kids thought you were._

_Jim smiled at you, his blond hair falling into his own eyes. “I’m going to take a look at your arm, okay?” At your second nod, Jim carefully began to examine your injured arm. “It doesn’t look too bad. The bullet went straight through. That’s always good.” He said after a minute, trying to sound more confident than he probably was. Jim tore a strip of material from his shirt, and wrapped it tightly around your injury._

_“Thank you, Jim.” You whispered, holding onto him tightly. You were confused, but you knew you’d be dead if it wasn’t for the older boy._

_“I promised your dad I’d look after you if he weren’t around, and I meant it.” Jim told you softly, and the mention of your father brought back the memory of his limp form on the ground, and fresh tears spilled down your cheeks despite your best efforts. He’d been the only one you had. Your mother had died when you were just a baby. Jim pulled you close and hugged you tightly, letting you cry._

_When your sobs turned to hiccups, he pulled away again. “We need to find some shelter for the night. It’s already getting cold.” You nodded your agreement, and stood with Jim’s help. You followed the boy, he knew what he was doing better than you did. It took a while, but finally Jim found you somewhere suitable, and not a moment too soon. The darkness was slowly creeping in around you, and as the sun sank, so did the temperature. You shivered. You weren’t dressed right for the cold nights._

_Jim guided you to lay down behind a long-fallen tree, which gave you some shelter from the wind, and also kept you hidden from sight, then lay down behind you. “Gotta stay close, so we’ll stay warm.” He told you, and you felt him against your back. The arm he had around you still held his stolen weapon tightly. You were exhausted, and despite the uncomfortable ground, and your throbbing arm, you fell to sleep quickly._

_Jim remained behind you, alert, tense and ready to fight at a second’s notice._

You stumbled into your dorm room, and locked the door behind you as quickly as you could. You pulled off your jacket, kicked off your boots, and collapsed onto your bed. You curled into yourself, your finger lightly brushing over the scar on your arm. It was a miracle that the wound hadn’t gotten infected, or resulted in the loss of your arm.

You always said that the day you truly felt that you’d recovered from your time on Tarsus IV, was the day you’d see about the scar being removed. That day seemed as far away as ever at the moment. Seeing Jim had opened the old wounds that had faded into memories, and made them feel as fresh as the day they happened.

You lay on your bed, staring blankly into the distance, for hours uncounted for. It was only when you heard a distant sound that alerted you that it was 18:00, did you come back to yourself. You were meant to be attending the party Jim had mentioned. It was for the brightest graduates, to meet and talk with the department heads of the Enterprise’s crew. A chance to prove that you were good enough to serve on the Fleet’s flagship.

Of course you could never join the Enterprise now. When you’d submitted your application to the head of security, you had had no idea that Jim was the amazing Captain Kirk. So really it was pointless you going. But your instructor had told you that he’d already put in a good word for you, and if you failed to show, it would embarrass him. And that would put an end to any hope of getting onto another decent ship.

Maybe you could go for an hour. That would give you enough time to speak with your instructor and the head of the Enterprise’s security, then you could slip out unnoticed. Jim would be busy for that first hour, anyway. He’d have to schmooze with the Admirals, then talk to the brightest command track cadets. He wouldn’t be free to talk to anyone else for at least a couple of hours. You’d have plenty of time.

Decision made, you pulled yourself from the bed, and made yourself presentable once more. You were still expected to be in your reds, so you just put your previously discarded jacket back on. It was still in perfect condition. You grabbed your invitation, and walked briskly to the Admiral Jacobs home, where the party was taking place.

_You and Jim survived by yourselves for the first few days, scavenging berries you thought looked edible, and drinking water from a nearby stream. Then one day you came across another survivor, then another, then another, until there were six of you in total. They’d escaped after you and Jim had, and made their way to the forest too. It was the only place that offered some sort of safety._

_Someone mentioned that the guards were hunting you, so you moved deeper into the trees, staying together. It was hard, more brutal really, just a bunch of kids trying to stay alive. There were a few animals in the forest, but no one dared try to take one down. It would mean lighting a fire, and that posed too much of a risk._

_By day you searched for food, scraping the bare necessities together to survive, and in the cold, harsh nights, you huddled together to stay warm. Jim had his arm around you every night though, and despite the constant fear clutching your heart, it brought a sense of safety._

_Days blurred together, the fight for survival relentless. With ravenous hunger came arguments. During one, one of the older boys argued that they should leave you behind. You were the youngest, and therefore could do the least. Jim had responded by aiming the weapon he still possessed at the boy. The argument ended, but the both of you spent even less time sleeping after that. You caught the glares the others gave Jim, eyeing up the weapon, that would be too easy to take if he was caught asleep._

_The hunger and tension became too much eventually, and Jim made the decision to try and hunt an animal. You hadn’t heard the guards for days, so you all assumed that they’d given up looking for you, and it would be safe to light a fire. Jim’s hunt was successful, and he returned to the camp with three rabbits. It wasn’t much, but it eased the friction in the camp. A fire was lit, and the food prepped._

_You didn’t even have a chance to taste the meat before the gunshots started to fire. The six of you were sent into instant panic as the guards stormed your small camp. One was gunned down as soon as they stood. You were on your feet and running in Jim’s direction, dodging the bullets as best you could. “Y/N! Come on!” Jim shouted to you, motioning for you to follow him. And you tried. But a foot caught you, and you went tumbling to the ground, a pain shooting up your ankle. You looked up and saw the boy who wanted to leave you give you a smirk, before taking off at a sprint._

_You tried to stand, but stumbled over again. On your second attempt, a hand grabbed your shirt, and dragged you up. One of the guards had you. “Jim!” You screamed, watching in horror as the gun was aimed at your head. “Jim!”_

_Jim didn’t come._

You were admitted into the party, and you immediately scanned the room. There was no sign of Jim. You grabbed one of the non-alcoholic drinks that were passing by, and headed to your instructor. You forced yourself to make small talk with him, and he introduced you to a few different people, including Lieutenant Freeman, the Security Chief on the Enterprise. The two of you got on well enough, and you thought it was a shame that you wouldn’t be able to serve together. You made no mention of that yet, you’d find a reason to withdraw your application later.

Movement from the corner of your eye caught your attention, and you looked to see that Jim had entered with Admiral Jacobs. In his dress uniform, Jim looked a world different to the scruffy kid you had known. You looked away quickly, before he had a chance to spot you, and excused yourself from the conversation. You ambled through the room, pretending to look like you were having a good time, while keeping an eye on both Jim and the hour.

You stayed for as long as you dared, and when you saw that Jim seemed to be finishing up speaking with some of the command cadets, you made your way to the exit. You were glad to get out of there. You hated how good Jim looked. It made you angry. How did Jim get to walk away from everything with such ease, that he could join Starfleet, graduate, and become Captain before you were even able to apply? Why was he able to brush it all off, when you’d fought for years? First he abandoned you, then he got his life back quicker. It wasn’t fair.

You stormed back to your room, the anger building inside you, and once again grabbed a track kit. You didn’t care that you hadn’t slept. You needed a release, so went back to the gym. Not feeling like running, after you’d warmed up, you used some of the gym equipment. You went through the defensive manoeuvres you could practice by yourself, practically pummelled a punchbag, and practiced your kickboxing.

“Your file said you were good. It was right.”

_The weapon was aimed directly at you, it’s only intention to kill. You cried for Jim again, but no help came. You were going to die. On instinct, you reached out, trying to find something, anything. Your hand closed around a tree branch, and you swung it as hard as you were able to. It collided with the guard, the round he shot off missing you by an inch. The branch didn’t do much, but the grip on your shirt loosened enough for you to pull away._

_Your ankle protested as you ran, but you ignored it. You frantically raced in the direction Jim had disappeared in, but you couldn’t find him. You quickly became lost in the web of trees, the forest too dark to see footprints. Still you kept on, hoping that you’d find Jim or one of the others, but nothing. You didn’t dare call out, lest a guard be close enough to here._

_All night you moved, but you found no one. You were alone. As the sun rose, you started to try and find a trace of someone, but the ground you walked was unmarked. No one had been by. Tears streamed down your face for the first time in days? Weeks? You couldn’t remember anymore. Not since you and Jim had joined the others._

_You were terrified, and your ankle had swollen so much that you were forced to stop and find somewhere to rest, but what hurt the most was that Jim had abandoned you. He promised to keep you safe, but he had just left. He ran away from you, and left you to die. You curled into a ball in the small ditch you found, and closed your eyes. Maybe it would have been better to let the guard kill you. You were going to die anyway. You weren’t a survivor._

_Yet somehow you were. Somehow you kept going, alone. You found food to eat, just enough to keep you going, and you found water to drink. You were scared constantly, and never slept, but you survived._

_Days passed, four or five maybe. You were scavenging for some berries when you heard the rustle of footsteps. You moved as quickly as you could with your still swollen ankle, brandishing the sharp twig you called a weapon. No guards stood before you though. Only rescuers._

_You were talked into dropping your twig, and you were taken away from the forest. You were taken care off, your arm and ankle fully healed, and given food. You were told that other children had been found before you, and that they were already on their way back to Earth. There were nine of you in total. There must have been others out there apart from your group. You weren’t told their names though, and when you asked, your question was met with silence. You wondered if Jim was one of the other eight, or if he was one of the three bodies they’d discovered._

_You figured you’d never know._

You span around, and came face to face with Jim. He was out of his dress uniform, and in his regulation exercise kit. It suited him better. You watched each other for a few moments, and you were unable to describe the look Jim was wearing. Those ridiculously blue eyes of his, were taking in every small detail of you, and you could see relief, happiness, sadness, and more swirling in the depths of them.

Jim took a step towards you, but you took an automatic step back. “Y/N…” Hurt swallowed any other emotion in his eyes, and a hand that he had stretched out to you, dropped back to his side. “Y/N, I…I thought you were dead.”

You closed your eyes at the crack in Jim’s voice, and turned your back on him. “Of course you did. You left me to the guards.”

“What? No. I mean, I didn’t mean to. I was running, and you were right behind me, then when I turned again, you weren’t.” You heard Jim take a tentative step forward. “I was going to go back. But one of the others, he said…he said that he saw you get taken down. Saw the shot go off. Saw the blood.” Jim’s voice was barely a whisper.

“He tripped me, left me to die. I screamed for you, Jim. I screamed and cried for you, but you didn’t come. You said you’d keep me safe, but you didn’t!” Your voice rose as anger bubbled up inside you, and you didn’t have to see Jim to know that he flinched.

“I know. I promised to keep you safe, and I failed. I’ve beaten myself up over it every single day.”

You laughed harshly and turned to face Jim again. “I find that hard to believe. Looks to me like you’ve been having a great time. The Fleet’s golden boy, in the middle of the first ever five-year mission. From where I’m standing, it looks like you just brushed it all off and moved on, while I was struggling to even stay…” You cut yourself off abruptly, and resumed staring at Jim.

An anger began to mar the Captain’s face, and he took another step closer. “You think I just brushed it all off? Moved on? I was on self-destruct for years. Every night I got drunk and got into a bar fight. And I still haven’t dealt with it all. I never will. Neither will you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I left you, and I hate myself for it, but I was only thirteen!”

It was your turn to flinch. Of course you knew that. You knew it had been too much to ask for Jim to keep you both alive, but it had never stopped it from hurting.

“Spar me.” Jim’s order took you by surprise, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“I said spar me. You have anger you need to let out, so let it out. Spar me. Show me what you’ve got.”

“Yeah, and get in trouble for giving The Great Captain Kirk a black eye? Don’t think so.”

Jim took another step closer to you, until you were almost nose to nose. “What makes you so certain you’ll win? You may be good, but I’ve got years of experience on you, kid.” The smirk on Jim’s lips was all you needed for your control to snap.

You brought your arm up, but Jim caught it with ease, and flung you onto the nearest sparring mat. You landed with a huff, but you were on your feet again in a flash. Jim was on you again immediately, his blows leaving you no room to attack in return, just defend yourself.

“This all you got, kid? It’s nothing special. I’d never leave you onto my ship like this.” Jim was goading you purposely, you knew him well enough to see straight through it. You let the anger rise from you though. If Jim wanted a fight, you’d give it to him.

“I don’t want on your precious ship anymore. I thought the Captain was great, not some bratty kid who used to hate Starfleet.” You growled back, ducking down and spotting an opening. You kicked out, intending to catch Jim’s leg, but the other had been expecting it. He grabbed your foot, throwing you to the ground again.

“Yeah? Well, people change.” Jim lunged at you, and you barely rolled out of the way and onto your feet in time. “You, for example. You used to be kind, now you just assume that because someone has their shit together on the outside, it means they’ve got their shit together on the inside. Which is pretty funny, as I happen to think that you’re still pretty broken on the inside too, just like me.”

Jim lunged at you again, but this time you anticipated it, and quickly dodged him. You took another chance, and gave him everything you had. A fist connected with Jim’s face, and your ankle twisted with his, giving you the advantage to throw him to the ground. You were on top of Jim, pinning him down. “Don’t wanna be. Try not to be.” You whispered, your breathing ragged as you looked down at the man beneath you. A bruise was already forming where you’d hit him, but he didn’t look like he cared.

“I know, Y/N. I know.” Jim replied, his voice just as quiet, and tears slipped down your face when you saw a few in his own eyes.

Your anger drained from you, leaving you feeling exhausted. Your hold on Jim’s shoulders loosened, and he pushed himself up, leaving you still straddling his lap. Arms wrapped around you, like they had on that first night, and held you close as you sobbed your apologies.

The two of you stayed like that, until your sobs finally quietened, and you realized that your own shoulder was wet. You pulled back, instantly seeing Jim’s own tear stained cheeks. Your heart broke. Not once in the time you knew each other had Jim ever shown weakness, and now here he was crying. “Jim…” You reached up, brushing the remaining tears away gently. “I’m sorry. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you either. And I shouldn’t have expected you to protect me too.”

“I should have gone back anyway. I should have looked for you.” Jim sighed, pressing his forehead against yours. You didn’t know why you did it, it was just something about the look in Jim’s eyes, but you closed the distance between you and pressed a kiss to Jim’s lips. It didn’t last long, but it seemed to be enough.

“It’s okay, Jim. It’s okay. We’re both here now.” You whispered, feeling Jim take your hand in his.

“Yeah, we are.” Jim smiled gently. “Why the kiss though?”

You blushed, shrugging your shoulders. “Felt right.”

“It did, didn’t it?” Jim’s words filled you with relief, and you found a small smile of your own your lips.

“My first one.” You mumbled. Jim raised an eyebrow. “First kiss I mean.”

“Oh.” Jim hugged you again. “Thank you.” He murmured into your, your fingers tangling together. “I’ll look after you now, I promise.”

A chuckle burst free from you at that. “I’m a fully trained Starfleet Security Officer now, Jim. I should be protecting you. And I’m pretty sure I just got you pinned on your back.”

“Fine. You can protect me in the field.” Jim huffed. “But I can still look after you in other ways. You’re not alone anymore.” Jim looked up at you. “When I saw you this morning, I pulled your file. I know how hard you’ve had it. The different foster homes, the different schools, the…” Jim raised your hand and pressed a gentle kiss to your wrist. “I know it all. Honestly, I was amazed that you managed to do so much by yourself.”

“I learned from the best at surviving.” You sighed, watching as Jim pressed another kiss to your wrist, before lowering your arm again.

“Will you come back to mine? For tonight? I want to feel you next to me, so I know I’m not dreaming.”

You nodded. “I’d like that.” You pulled away from Jim, but as you stood, the room span, and you would have fallen if Jim hadn’t caught you.

“Y/N, hey, what’s wrong?” Jim’s face was filled with concerned as he looked at you. “When was the last time you slept? Ate?”

You made yourself focus, and looked at the chrono. “Twenty-four hours since I slept, thirty four since I ate.”

“Damn it, Y/N, no wonder you’re dizzy. That on top of the adrenaline rush. I’d never have fought you if I’d known.” Jim muttered to himself as he helped you out of the gym. “Lucky they put me up close by for tonight.”

You walked with Jim to the Officer’s Apartment he was staying in, and he sat you down at the table while he got some food. “Tell me you don’t make a habit of not eating.” He said quietly as he placed a meal in front of you.

“Not usually. I skip breakfast after a dream, but I never go this long.” You answered, tucking into the food eagerly. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were. “I’m usually obsessive over my mealtimes, but after seeing you, all thought of food went out my mind.”

Jim nodded his understanding and sat opposite you. “I still can’t believe you’re here, in front of me. They told me they found a ninth survivor, but I had no idea it was you. If I had, I would have found you.”

“I know.” You smiled softly, looking at the bruise that was quickly darkening on Jim’s face. “Sorry about that.” You said, motioning with your hand.

Jim laughed. “I’ve had worse. Really.” Something about his tone was dark. A story for another time. “Bones will fix it up in the morning.”

“Bones?”

“Leonard McCoy. My CMO. You’ll get to know him pretty well once you’re on the Enterprise. If you want to join that is.”

“I do. But final assignments haven’t been decided yet.”

Jim laughed again. “I’m The Great Captain Kirk remember? They aren’t going to tell me no, if I say I want you on my ship.”

“There are some perks of being Captain then.” You said with a smile.

“Yeah. There are some.”

You finished your meal, and Jim let you borrow some of his clothes to change into. After eating, you were feeling more tired than ever, and Jim’s bed looked ridiculously comfy. You got into the bed together, Jim’s arm finding its way around your middle. “Took me ages to get used to sleeping in a bed again. I kept ending up on the floor.” Jim sighed softly, nuzzling your neck.

“I know. I still find it strange sometimes. God, I still wake up ready to run sometimes.” You answered, relaxing back against the other. The last time you did this, Jim had been tense, ready to pounce in a second.

“Yeah. Nightmares too. I can hear his words in my head.”

You nodded. “Happens to me too. I’ve tried to talk about it, but no one ever really gets it, y’know? They’re full of ‘I understands’, or ‘I can imagines’, but they can’t really. No one can. No one can really understand what it was like. No one except us. So I stopped talking to people. It was pointless, and they weren’t helping me.”

“And you turned to other ways instead.” Jim finished, fingers stroking your wrist again. “I’m proud of you, Y/N. Your father would be too. You fought, and found your way back to someone who cares about you. You can talk to me anytime. Doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night. Come to me.”

“Thank you.” You whispered, turning you head to look at Jim. “That goes to you too though. No more mister tough guy. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it together.”

Jim nodded, brushing a kiss to your lips. “Of course. Now get some sleep before I call my CMO to sedate you.”

You chuckled, letting your eyes drift close. “Like to see him try.”

“You haven’t met Bones. He’s pretty handy with a hypo, even against me. Chased me around the entire ship once.”

You laughed at the image, and let it carry you into a for once dreamless sleep, Jim’s relaxed body pressed against yours, and the safety of his embrace finding you once more.


End file.
